比来《老友记》中钱德勒的扮演者 Matthew Perry 出了本回忆录：Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing 。
今天下战书我在美国亚马逊上买了 Kindle 版，刚刚读完。
那本回忆录语言白话化，论述风气很 Chandler Bing，阅读时主动脑补情景喜剧特效。 不外整本书也有股钱德勒的「丧式诙谐」，全书读起来让我想到《马男波杰克》和太宰治的《人世失格》，每一章都有他的挣扎。
那本书的画风其实不欢乐多。
我搜了下，全书 lonely 呈现 8 次，addict/addiction 68 次，drug 117 次，rehab 46 次， sober 84 次。几乎每几页城市提到毒品。整本书像是一位明星的戒毒日志。
一起头 Matthew 就讲他的痛苦，生不如死的那种痛。他是重度瘾君子，嗜酒好毒，是 rehab 的常客。那也是题目中的 the big terrible thing: Alcoholism, addiction—you call it what you want, I’ve chosen to call it a Big Terrible Thing. 他说假设让我从头来过，我仍是会碰那些工具——恰是因为我太晓得我为什么会是个瘾君子，我才很难连结 sober。
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他出生不到俩月就起头服用含 barbiturate 的沉着药剂；父母离异，5 岁时经常本身坐飞机往返加拿大和美国。14 岁那年起头饮酒，在酒精里找到了自在息争脱。觉得被父亲放弃，母亲再婚，从小他就恐惧孤单又担忧分开。那几段文字读起来就心疼：
- With Dad gone, I quickly understood that I had a role to play at home. My job was to entertain, to cajole, to delight, to make others laugh, to soothe, to please, to be the Fool to the entire court.
- I’ve always been abandoned. So much so that I used to ask my grandmother, when a plane went over our house in Ottawa, “Is my mother on that plane?” because I was always worried that she would disappear, just as my father had (she never did).
- With Dad off in California, Mom, being beautiful and smart and charismatic and the star in every room she entered, would date guys, and they’d date her right back, and sure enough, I’d turn every one of those men into my dad. Once again, when a plane went over our house, I’d ask my grandmother, “Is that [Michael] [Bill] [John] [insert name of Mom’s latest beau] flying away?”I was continually losing my father; I was continually being dropped at the border.
是不是很 Chandler Bing?
书中当然少不了 《老友记》。
因为好伴侣回绝了《老友记》里 Chandler 的角色，Matthew「捡了漏」：
那一部门印象深入的是：
1）Rachel 的扮演者 Jennifer Aniston 是 Matthew 的 crush，但是她其实不喜好 Matthew；
2）昔时他们中最火的是 Monica 的扮演者 Courteney Cox，但她没什么架子，她说 “There are no stars here. This is an ensemble show. We’re all supposed to be friends.”
初见 Courteney Cox，用的是 cripplingly beautiful
4）Joey 的扮演者 Matt LeBlanc 花了好长时间才找到本身在剧中的定位，Mattew 开打趣说他是 Most Improved Player/Friend。
5）拍摄《老友记》时 Matthew 就是个 addict，名利双收并没有让一切更好。
在剧中的体重改变也是因为他嗑药，他说：My weight varied between 128 pounds and 225 pounds during the years of Friends. ) You can track the trajectory of my addiction if you gauge my weight from season to season—when I’m carrying weight, it’s alcohol; when I’m skinny, it’s pills. When I have a goatee, it’s lots of pills. 他还说他和 Monica 在剧中成婚时，他正在戒毒所。
也是在拍《老友记》时，他和 the biggest-star-in-the-universe Julia Roberts 爱情了。
是 Julia 先释放的信号，俩人一来一回打情骂俏，最末走到了一路。
不外和他所有的恋情一样，好景不长，他老是觉得我不配、怕失往，于是长痛不如短痛主动和她分手： So instead of facing the inevitable agony of losing her, I broke up with the beautiful and brilliant Julia Roberts.She might have considered herself slumming it with a TV guy, and TV guy was now breaking up with her. I can’t begin to describe the look of confusion on her face.
后面还写了他的另一段 6 年的豪情履历，从 friends with benefits 到 lvoers，不外没提女方名字。再接着他写了本身同时爱上两个女孩，最初仍是落得孤身一人。
现在 Matthew 52 岁，已经戒了毒，也渐渐原谅了本身。最初还试图来点「正能量」：人生困难，好在我从未舍弃。他说 Love wins：
Love and courage, man—the two most important things. I don’t move forward with fear anymore—I move forward with curiosity. I have an incredible support group around me, and they save me every day, because I have known hell. Hell has definable features, and I want no part of it. But I have the courage to face it, at least.
读完那本回忆录我想到一个英文表达：Never meet your heroes. 阿谁演小钱钱的演员本来是如许呀......然后又觉得心疼，眼中的 Chandler Bing 丰富起来，本来剧里的懦弱和自嘲如斯实在。寡生皆苦，活着就已经不容易，人能浪子回头那就更不容易。
以上是我的读书条记，从语言进修的角度看我其实不选举那本书。但假设你看了我的介绍对内容感兴致，本身找来读读吧
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